My Spot in the Arctic
by sombreromoustache
Summary: Leonard, Raj, and Howard finally deal with Sheldon


Sheldon laid on the Arctic snow, completely unconscious, though his discomfort was as clear as day.

"WAKE UP, SHELDON!" the scientist immediately bolted awake, feeling the icy winds pierce his skin.

 _-laugh track-_

Sheldon looked at his three colleagues, "Leonard. Howard. Raj? What's going on, I'm going to freeze to death if I don't have warm clothes on.

 _-laugh track-_

"Oh, you'll want to freeze to death," though he was shivering through them, his words cut through Sheldon, "Raj, are all the preparations met?"

Raj nodded, "Oh yes. I tied his limbs good and tight. Won't be getting out anytime soon," he earily bragged to his friends.

 _-laugh track-_

With that, Leonard, Howard, and Raj stood around Sheldon, "Now Sheldon. We've had enough of you. And this is the perfect time to get rid of you once and for all."

Sheldon's eyes widened with fear. He pulled his arms, finally realizing that they were tied to two teams of sled dogs. He raised his head and saw his legs were tied to another pair of sled dog teams, "Guys, you're gonna get in trouble! I promise you! The authorities will find out-

"We already have a plan. Sheldon wandered off on his own to conduct tests and we never saw him again," Howard explained.

 _-Laugh Track-_

Raj felt the rope tied to his right arm, "We'll be sure to bury you under the snow, Sheldon. So don't worry."

 _-Laugh Track-_

Leonard's eyes were hidden behind a layer of fog, "Now Sheldon. Any last words?"

Sheldon looked at his three former friends and brought his best defense, "BAZINGA!"

 _-Laugh Track and then the audience starts losing it and there's clapping-_

"Oh you guys this was a great practical joke! But it got old now let's go back to the base."

Sheldon laughed as the three scientists got onto their dog sleds, "Guys? Are you ready?"

Raj and Howard gave their thumbs up. At their confirmation, Leonard called out, "MUSH"

 _-laugh track-_

Sheldon immediately felt agonizing pain, as his limbs were being pulled from four different directions. His first reaction was to pull on the four teams to keep his limbs together, but the strain on his arms were too great, "GUYS! PLEASE STOP!"

Howard looked back at the scientist, "I'm going to enjoy sitting in your spot, Sheldon," Howard's voice cut through the blizzard like a knife.

 _-laugh track-_

"We will finally not have to deal with Sheldon's constant spoutings of useless crap!" Raj cheered as he whipped his dog team.

 _-laugh track-_

Eventually the dogs pulled him apart, each team taking a part of his body with him. How fitting that Leonard ended up with Sheldon last, pulling his body behind him, "Why am I always stuck with Sheldon?"

 _-laugh track-_

* * *

Three months later, the three scientists walked up the stairs, occasionally sharing solemn glances, "Remember, we cannot talk about this ever again," Howard reminded them.

"Howard we know. You told us this ten times on the way here. Thirty times on the airport!" Leonard complained.

 _-laugh track-_

"Guys just be cool. We were questioned, we explained what happened, and we were let go," Raj calmed Howard down.

Leonard spoke very quietly, "And no one is going to find it. By now it's thirty feet under snow."

"What's thirty feet under snow?"

 _-laugh track-_

The three scientists saw Penny standing at the top, "Penny! We didn't expect to see you here!"

Penny raised her eyebrows, "Where's Sheldon?"

 _-audience oohs-_

"Uh. Well. When he tried to do research outside the cabin, he," Leonard looked at Raj for support, "He never came back."

Penny's eyes widened, "Oh. Did they find his body?"

They recalled burying his remains six feet in the snow. By the time they left, the ground they were on looked unrecognizable, "No. He's probably thirty feet under the snow."

The three nerds and Penny left for their own homes. What started as a peaceful night ended with countless nightmares for Leonard.

"What's the matter Leonard? I thought you wanted me gone?!"

Leonard woke up and walked out of his room into the living room where, "Sheldon?!"

"All of me is here Leonard. Could you get all of me together in my spot?" Sheldon pointed to his limbs lying across the room.

 _-laugh track-_


End file.
